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I am still here but life has been kicking my butt.
I have recently got a job after being unemployed for 3 years and it has been almost impossible to find time and energy to photoshoot. I have also recently moved out of a nightmare house that was infested with fleas, smelt like cigarette smoke, very unsafe (there was 2 crazy alcoholics living there) and was not cleaned for over 10 years; I was renting a room there because I was on welfare and had no money. I was forced to find a way to survive off only $300 per month. The room I was in was not private and I had a curtain for a door. Also one day someone tried breaking in by throwing a brick through my window. I was very depressed and lost a lot of wright and developed animea.
So I joined up with a employment program which I did for a good month and eventually got a job out of it which has been very life changing for me. I saved up money and now I am in a nice safe condo. I am still on welfare since my hours at my new job have not been very good however I am slowly but surely getting off of it. It has been a huge battle for me.
I suffer from intense mental illness (generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD from the nightmare house) so trying to hold down a job has been very difficult for me but I have been fighting. Each day I just want to give up but I keep on trying my best to be a responsible adult.
I am sorry for the delay for new work, I am still trying to get back on my feet. It is a never ending battle.
However I know I am not alone in this battle as there are many people who are mentally ill and have seen very dark stuff in their lives. Trying to hold down a job and trying to do real life seems hopeless, impossible and sometimes pointless. I just want you to know I am fighting with you and I want you too know that each day is worth fighting for. Work your ass off, save your money and force yourself to get stuff done, because in order to win you need to fight. Do not let mental heath defeat you because I allowed mental health to defeat me for 3 years. I am now 3 years behind in my life and I hate myself for it. But you cannot think about the past and what you should have done. Just like a solider in battle, if they stop fighting over a mistake they will get themselves killed. You have to keep going, pressing forward, even if your body is covered in hundreds of arrows, keep fighting. because if you do nothing, you will definitely get nothing as a result. But if you do something, you will eventually get something out of your hard work. I mean take myself as an example, I thought I was never going to get out of that nightmare house because welfare was not enough and I could not find work. You have to apply yourself, get your foot in the door and ASK FOR HELP. There are resources out there that you are not going to want to do but do them anyway. if I can do it, so can you! Only you can make that change even though there are people out there willing to help you, you need to do your part too. It will be hard at first and stressful beyond belief, but once you get the ball rolling and back in to a routine it will become easier to cope.